Original Post June 18, 2019
Several years ago, I met a woman in her early 80’s who had just come through an illness and was feeling like herself again for the first time in many months. I will call her B for the purpose of sharing her story. The illness had been serious enough to, with the urging of family members, cause B to sell her home of many years and move into a Vancouver retirement facility where she was monitored around the clock.
I visited B at her suite there, and she explained to me that she had just bought a condo up the road and needed assistance with the details of her move out of the retirement facility. She was beaming as she told me that she was well aware of her age but that there were many more things she wanted to do. Now that she was well again, she was ready for a “real home.” She missed having her own kitchen and her privacy. She also told me she had “done the math” and found that owning her own place was more cost effective. She said, “This is not where I belong, at least for now. I have more years ahead of me.”
With that decision made, we sorted through what was already a downsized version of B’s belongings from months before, and this time she chose what to keep, give away or sell. I helped arrange for movers and got her settled into her new place. There was the change of address process and the setting up of the internet and other services. There was artwork to be displayed, furniture to be placed and a list of new items to purchase; a vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, a computer desk to name a few.
For B, moving to a “real home” was the obvious next step toward the more independent life she wanted. More often than not, society associates aging with powerlessness and a lack of certainty. B’s story is testament to the ability to make decisions at any age. In asking for assistance from others to reach her goal, she was able to make her move and live on her own terms; interdependence making way for independence.
Living on our own terms isn’t always possible with the onset of illness or other life changes that can postpone, slow or halt our plans. In many cases, the opportunity to make choices, however large or small, is still available to us. In making them we are energized and continue to grow wherever we’re at in life.
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